Body-language and nonverbal communication

Eyes and eye contact can also be a torture







Eyes and eye contact can also be a torture

I remember the report of a female client talking about her childhood and expressing the specific, typical aspect of relationship between her and her mother.

When she had done something (wrong) or when the mother disagreed with the one or the other aspect of what my client had done as a child, her mother used to address her daughter with the following word: “Come to me, look into my eyes and tell me the truth. What have you done, didn’t you know, that I disagree with what you say.

Tell me the truth. And don`t forget, …………that I always know, if you tell the truth or not, I’m your mother. So look into my eyes and if you see a very tine little person/figure in my eyes, you know, that you tell lies when you go on talking.”

My client always was shocked and paralysed by this experience because she always saw this little person, that little figure in her mother’s eyes. And she was frightened deep insight. And she believed her mother to be magic.

But: everybody will experience the same. Everybody would haved experienced the same. Of course. Everybody knows that if you look into another person’s eyes you always will see yourself being mirrored as “this little person”.

By doing what she had done, the mother had completely misused her daughter and put her into an emotional dilemma. On the one hand the daughter was asked to choose whether to say the truth or not. Whereas on the other hand looking into the mother´s eyes and being aware of this little person / this figure always gave the impression to the girl that it must have been a lie, even when the little girl was convinced not having told lies.

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