Body-language and nonverbal communication

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Tag "good behavior"

Hesitating to put a direct personal question

If I’m interested in a person I ask him, put questions or show my interest to get to know more about this or that.

Chinese often hesitate to address me or others with a personal, direct question just like: “Oh, can you tell me more about your life or your children and so on”. This also can happen if you know each other better.

This does not mean that the Chinese isn’t interested, not at all! He is interested but tries to avoid putting the other into public. If he would put this direct personal question the other one either could feel himself obliged to show up with an answer or if he doesn’t want to do it to show up (in a personal way as a personal expression) he has to dissociate himself.

On the other hand I experience myself putting questions to a Chinese and being accepted by him. The Chinese answer, and I’m glad about the answer, but I can’t really distinguish if it is a personal answer which they want to give or if it is good behavior or an outcome from the hierarchy of our relationship.

But to be honest, it is quite important for me to know about this difference.

Sometimes I wonder if a Chinese puts himself the same question as I do.

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To smell and to taste a new culture is to meet yourself

Some weeks ago I talked to a German manager and sinologist, who had worked in China for a couple of years. His first visit to China was about thirty years ago. Perfect in reading and writing, really well-experienced in relating to Chinese people, he knew, what he was talking about.

We talked about relating to Chinese people as well as to people from other cultures. Both we were convinced of a big difference in intercultural communication.

On the one hand it is almost too simple to doubt on this fact.  On the other hand many people seem not to know the essence of the following message:

When you learn a language, when ……….

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Permission to ask a personal question?

If I’m interested in a person I ask him, put questions or show my interest in order to get to know more about this or that.

Chinese often hesitate to address me or others with a personal, direct question just like: “Oh, can you tell me more about your life or your children and so on”. This, as I was told by others, also can happen if you know each other better.

This does not mean that a Chinese isn’t interested, not at all! He or she is often very interested but tries to avoid to put or “tear” the other into public by putting such a question. If he or she would put this direct personal question, the other one either could feel himself obliged to show up with an answer or if he doesn’t want to do it to show up (in a personal way as an personal expression) he has to dissociate himself.

On the other hand I experience …….

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